identity

the air is turning warm again here in nyc, and with it my spirits lift. the smell of summer, of warm rain in the city streets, is so happy and nostalgic. it's a bit deceptive; was my first nyc summer even that great?

oh but it was — I arrived in the middle of june and sweated for a month in my west village and williamsburg apartments, where I had weak window AC units. no more, this year. I battled mosquitos and the walks to work or the subway were brutal. the office AC was heaven. and even though I was new in town, my weekends filled pleasantly with plans. the first week, I hung out with visiting friends: dani and aditya and aditya's friends. jennifer (and jayant) also came to nyc for a month shortly after, so we met up as well, and with ivy too. 

the winter has weighed on my mood a bit. I feel lonely at the office these days, without the luxury of getting invited for lunch daily. yes, atul still swings by sometimes to say hi and I've joined them at the table once on my own accord... I need to do it more. things started off so well last year, with the moma field trip and that one mahjong night. anyway, outside of work, I've also been craving deeper friendships, and my fyp knows that truth. still, objectively, my weekends do fill. in january and feburary, janet/yinran and I made plans to try different restaurants every weekend. I feel like I'm getting to know them better too, and it all culminated in a trip to oaxaca this past weekend. and when interpersonal relationships are not filling my cup, I turn to other things: soulcycle in a crowded room, runs in central park, a figure drawing class.

I think it may just take a little more patience. I signed up for one of those organized "meet new people" things this weekend, 222. it's a yoga class in UWS, which is prime activity and location for me. I haven't yet turned to bumble bff, and I'm torn about whether it would be a good avenue or if I should be annoyingly opinionated about organic friendships only. 

while I'm here, let me write out my wishlist of friendships to manifest them into being: I would love to find 

• a friend to go clubbing and to gov ball (or equivalent, since I will probs be out of town) with
• friends who are loud and fun, mainly because I have already found some who are restful and chill
• a friend who like to do DIY and low budget things
• a friend who I can have a heart to heart with, good conversations
• a friend to read research papers or books with
• a friend to go to sample sales with
• and finally, a medium to large sized friend group, with a group chat.