hemmed and hawed until brian asked me what I thought of this trip I said the "vibes were off" in the beginning, though I did also bring up maman on sunday (end of the trip) as an example. him scrolling [reels] on his phone after he had finished eating. yes, he did put his phone down and engage when I started serving him softballs (what's a harder trip, A vs B) he asked for "actionables" and I said there were none. I think we do approach problems similarly — if there's no "ask" for the other person to change, there's no impetus to bring it up. but I do think back to the principle, one I do not follow, of bringing things up when they bother you, even if they're small. of course, there needs to be a threshold, which I am struggling to find. ultimately, I did not say this explicitly, but I said everything around it: even though there is nothing I want him to change, I want him to know that I felt unhappy. because if we break up in the future w...
knowing that david is reading through all of angela's old writing, I feel the need to write a bit about and to brian. hilariously, I said "I love you" to david yesterday, but I still find it hard to even think about saying it to brian. because it is more serious. it's all about context. but I do love brian. I feel like I've grown more compatible with brian over the last year together. I just feel a profound sense of comfort with him. it's strange, and this might even sound bad: our first trip together to europe was a blur, and I remember feeling somewhat disappointed and not having that much fun and just being very cold. but the trips we've taken together after that have been more and more fun. hawaii was great (with the exception of the river crossing blip). so was the most recent LA trip. I observe that I mold myself to my partner. there were many thoughts of "is this the guy I want to mold myself to?" in the beginning. I'm still thinking a...
now that I live in an apartment where I don't have to share a kitchen (and bathroom) and curtail my time in it, how have my cooking (and grooming) habits changed? now that I can spend my hours outside of work freely in my apartment (e.g, stay up late working, binge watch shows), how have they changed? without social obligations or anyone to judge me or hold me accountable for my social life, how has my social life changed? with new freedoms, how do I choose to spend my time? are there new factors that influence my life now? with these changes, am I living a life more true to myself?
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